Surgery at 30

Its been so long since i've written, I dont really have a reason other than just life getting in the way which I suppose is a good thing.
But now I find myself with time on my hands, I havent worked for a while, I started getting bad sciatic pain back in November, fast forward to February and I find myself having surgery at the tender age of 30!
I had a lumbar laminectomy on my lower spine on the 1st Feb. Im back to work part time but far from back to my old self. I'm still getting pain in my legs and I cant put my own socks on which is a problem as I live by myself and dont have anyone to help me at the moment.

I have to say the time off work has made me think, it's made me think about how we take our health and fitness for granted, the saying 'you dont know what you have until its gone' is so true
one minute I was shopping on 5th avenue with my friend Liz, the next I'm not able to bend down and put my shoes on.
the good part is I hope to make a full recovery in time, it should take about 6 months or so but I'm determined to get back to normal.
I spare a thought for those who live with illnesses or health problems every day of their lives, its couragous to get up and face the world every day when you are in chronic pain or have a life threatning illness, those people who stay positive through things like that every day are my heroes

a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer at 21, I was deeply upset for her when she went though all that, losing her hair due to chemo, the sickness and the pain and through all that she smiled and said 'at least I cant wear wigs and I can be any hair colour I want, a different one every day if I want to'
I couldnt believe how positive she was, now we are both 30, her cancer is back and this time they have said that its terminal, but she is still probably one of the most positive people I know, she hasnt given up, she is living life as if every day is her last, she makes the most of every second she has and I admire her for that attitude. Everytime I feel down or feel sorry for myself I think of her and think 'what would Angela do? what would she say to stay positive in this situation?'
and just like that I suddenly remember that I am very blessed now matter what kind of day I'm having
x

Positive/Negative

Recently I have really begun to notice how negative people are, I listen to my friends and work collegues and then endless self loathing and misery is quite remarkable and it makes me really sad

It got me thinking, are we all really that unhappy or are we just naturally more comfortable moaning?
We do it so much that we dont even realise we are doing it.

I then started to analyse my own behaviour to assess whether I am a positive person or a negative person. And I dont just mean in the things we all say to each other but also the narration that goes on in our heads all day
I was astonished to find I am actually no different to everyone else, and I am more of a negative person than I reslised!

Take today for example, the serious of minor but annoying events that have contributed to my negative thoughts today

1. Didnt sleep very well due to the noise of the snow plow right outside my window! he had been plowing from 2am-6am - very annoying

2. I consider going to work, I check the emails on my Blackberry and find yet another work collegue has sent a stroppy email to me so I call in sick, they can get lost if they think I'm going to spend my day dealing with rude people, I am not superwoman!

3. The Maintenance people come around to finally fix the wall where I had the leaking drainpipe, but yet again they 'assess' the work instead of actually doing it, i wait in all day for them to come back but they are a no show! brilliant thanks for nothing (again)

4. There is a problem with my water bill, they say my payment is late, I say they never sent it to me in the first place, Im on the phone for an hour then they said they would call back (that was 6 hours ago!)

5. My dad starts posting very hideous childhood pictures of me on Facebook for all my friends to see! i spent the afternoon changing all my privacy settings so as to reduce the amount of people who could see me looking like a geek - thanks Dad!

6. I paid extra for 2 day delivery on Amazon, yes you guessed it, my purchases are no-where to be seen even though they promised it would be delivered today!

So an average day but when I sit down and analyse it this is such a frustrating life
I want to be a positive person and I consider myself to have good fortune, so how can I become more positive and not get dragged down by these minor but annoying frustrations that a part of daily life?

I passed!!!

I have finally passed my full graduate diploma, not only did I pass I got a credit so I did better than a pass!
4 years of hard work has finally paid off, I am so excited I feel like I want to be sick

I just cant wait for the graduation ceremony now

Vegas, Exams and other stuff

Oh my god, what a day
I am so hyper I am literally bouncing off the walls today. I am waiting for some really important exam results this week, the result means I either graduate this year or if I fail I will have to re-take and graduate next year!! I am so on edge its crazy
I have been checking the online exam page all last night and all of today only to find out the results arent out until Wednesday

So now I'm trying to occupy my brain with other things. I am off to Vegas next week on a girls holiday, holy f**K i am sooooo excited, so I started packing for that, I am trying to find all my best going out clothes as I plan to party hard

so I also cleared up my wardrobe tonight, I realised that I clearly never iron my clothes so I pulled everything out that wasnt ironed (about 90% of my clothes) and I am slowly working my way through that

the Paul Mckenna system is not so good today, I have hardly eaten all day, Ive just had half a bar of chocolate for my dinner which isnt healthy but I'm so wired tonight I really dont care, I will redeem myself tomorrow at spinning class

I am missing my friends and family a bit tonight, they all live in the UK and my mum was cooking a lovely roast dinner tonight for my friends and I wished I could be there, but it was my choice to move to DC so I suppose I have to live with the ups and downs of my decision

I dont want to ramble on too much tonight so I'm off to tackle that pile of ironing
:)

Weight loss!!

Wow, I have been following this since the 16th January

by the first 2 days I could feel it was working, it wasnt difficult to follow. I just had to stick to the 4 Golden rules:

1. When you are hungry EAT
2. Eat Conciously
3. Eat what you really want not what you think you should
4. When you are full STOP eating

being able to be free to eat whatever I wanted was strange at first, I'm a serial dieter and I am so used to points, calories etc etc
so it's a bit scary at first.

The best thing I have found so far is I can eat when I am truly hungry, so I am so much more relaxed around food, I no longer eat just because its lunchtime, if i'm not hungry I simply wait until I am

I wont lie to you I have had a few slip ups, one night I had been out drinking and dancing in my favourite bar in DC, I came home a little worse for wear and demolished a whole box of Milk duds
Paul explains in his book that slip ups are bound to happen and that the best thing to do is forgive yourself and get straight back onto the system

so I weigh myself for the first time this weekend and after 2 weeks I've lost 6lb!! I am really pleased because I have been living my life exactly the way I want to and it feels great

I am focused on continuing with this, I am still having to re-read some of the book to help me
the main time I find it hard to follow the rules is when I go to friends hoses for dinner, I want to socialise with them but they are always so obsessed with forcing second helpings down my throat and then out comes the pudding, I end up feeling too guilty to say no so I really wnat to find a way around this without having to decline every invitation to dinner

Why cant anyone believe me when I say I am full? when I come up with an answer to this I will let you know
any suggestions would be gratefully recieved!

anyway I am feeling possitive about losing 6lb so I will let you know how the next 2 weeks go

xx

Paul McKenna - week 1

Ok so I've just got through my first week
So far so good, I don't actually feel like I have been on a diet at all, it's actually been an easy week.
The problem is that in Paul's book he tells you not to weigh yourself more than every 2 weeks so I still have a week to wait before I can see if the number on the scale has reduced!!!
I am so tempted to jump on the scales but I am determined to follow the advice in the book

I do feel better already, I am not obsessing about food so much and I am definitely not starving, which is odd because im eating half the amounts I used to

the system has 4 rules:

1. Eat when you hungry

2. Eat what you really want, not what you think you should

3. Eat conciously

4. Stop when you are full

It sounds really simple but you would be suprised how often we all eat when we are not hungry, sometimes we are just thirsty or even just eat because we are emotional, bored or annoyed

Pauls system explains that we need to reprogram our eating habits to only eat when we are really hungry
So all week I have been trying to follow these 4 basic rules

I found it quite strange how much less I eat through the day, especially at work
In the past I used to reach for a snack everytime I got a tricky email or a difficult task from the boss, I still do this now but the difference is I recognise that I'm doing it and stop myself from actually eating anything unless I am really hungry

the system also has a cd that comes with the book, you listen to it like a hypnosis. I have no idea what it actually says because I always fall asleep through it!
At first I though this was a bad thing but Paul advises in his book that the cd is still working even if you are asleep - so I continue to listen to it every night

I definitely feel like it's working but it feels strange not to be counting calories or points all the time, but seeing as all the other diets have never worked I have nothing to lose by giving this a try for the full 90 days

Does dieting make you fat?

I personally think yes it does!! and here is my evidence
All my friends who are on a diet or have ever been on a diet struggle with their weight (including me), yet all my friends or people I know who manage to control their weight have never dieted in their life

That's not the only thing I have noticed. I have watched friends use the lighter life diet, weight watchers, slimming world, slim fast, south beach diet etc etc and every one of them is temporarily successful but the weight never stays off.
As soon as they reach a good amount of weight loss they relax and start to enjoy feeling slim, they go out more, cut themselves some slack on the strict regime and bang!, before you know it all the weight is back plus extra!!
I'ts a miserable existence. Don't get me wrong Ii am not criticising, its happened to me too, but i am just starting to realise that we are going about it all wrong.

My skinny friends are not athletes or anorexics. They are just normal people enjoying life, they don't diet but they don't always eat super healthy either - so whats the secret??

I believe it is because the slim people I know are much more in tune with their bodies, they know when their body needs good nutrition, they know when they are hungry or full, they know when they need to exercise, they listen to what there body needs day by day, minute by minute.
They also don't seem to eat compulsively, they don't starve themselves for days and then binge. They are just balanced in the way they approach food, their attitude is different towards life and food.

To prove this theory I am going to try out Paul Mckenna's 'I can make you thin' system - now I know what you are thinking, why would i want to try a diet to prove that diets are no good? but hear me out for just a second.

The theory behind Paul McKenna's system is not to diet, it is to re-tune our bodies to understand our natural signals for hunger. I have read up on some of the success stories for this weight loss system and many people have lost huge amounts of weight!

His philosophy is that dieting interferes with your body's natural ability to signal what it needs so I want to test it out and share my journey with you.

It could lead to weight loss, it could lead to nothing - stay tuned to find out!